quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
