And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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