all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
