Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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