I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
