I skipped work to stalk him.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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