Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
