Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
