before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
