my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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