hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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