My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm always down for nudity.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
