Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
