im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
