everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
