someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize