I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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