he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
