I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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