Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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