omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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