I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
