Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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