Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
