no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
