see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
