i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
