oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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