how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
