just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
