bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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