I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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