no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
