Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
