singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
