I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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