the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
