After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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