you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Four minutes until I can fart!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
