This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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