Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
