put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize