She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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