So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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