apparently the secret to your success is patron
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
