Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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