I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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