I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
