My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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