so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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