I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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