I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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