she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
