Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
