your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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