Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
