yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she pinky promised me she was 18
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
