your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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