Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
