that's an acceptable place to lick
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
