I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
