This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
