that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
