it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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