Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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