i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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