The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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