just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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