Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
