i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
